


Dear Mark

by acrazyworldofdreams



Series: Love Donghyuck [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Breakup, Jaehyun mentioned - Freeform, M/M, Renjun mentioned, lee Jeno mentioned, love yourself, na jaemin mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyworldofdreams/pseuds/acrazyworldofdreams
Summary: Donghyuck learns an important lesson, when his heart is broken for the final time.





	Dear Mark

_‘Donghyuck, we can’t do this anymore”_ Mark says with no hesitation.

My world for the nth time shatters around me.

Just when I thought I’d managed to rebuild it somehow into something which wasn’t a mess, but I’m mistaken. I look down at the bedspread of his bed. It’s dark blue with bright pale-yellow circles, which have always reminded me of the moon. This hurts like Renjun all over again, and Mark isn’t even my boyfriend.

I’m being rejected, again.

 _“Hyung, what? Why are you doing this?”_ Mark doesn’t look me in the eye, maybe he can’t because I also know he wouldn’t want to hurt me more than he has to. He knows how much this will be killing me right now. I wonder what triggered him into doing this. Calling the final bow on this dance we’ve been doing for so many months now.

_“Because you deserve to be with someone who loves you.”_

Crack. Another fissure opens in my chest, and I feel the barely stitched up crack in my heart start to pull apart once more. I can’t bare it. First losing Renjun, then Jeno and now Mark.

How can one person be expected to withstand so much pain?

 _“You don’t love me?”_ I whisper in a broken voice. Mark finally looks up at me then with the saddest look in his eye that I’ve even seen. He tilts his head to the left in a way I’ve always adored, and I can sense he’s contemplating whether to tell me the next bit of news or not.

As always, I embrace for impact.

 _“I’m sorry Hyuckie. I don’t. I met someone, and I…I’ve fallen in love with them.”_ Tears in my eyes.

It’s always second, or not at all, best for me. It’s not fair. Panic and desperation seep into my words. _“Fuck them”_ I cry out, _“I don’t care if you don’t love me, just don’t leave me”._

My words shock me as much they shock Mark. I don’t think the look Mark gives me is one of pity instead it’s one of deep, deep sadness, but it doesn’t touch the depth of my own.

_“Donghyuck, I’m telling you this now, not because I have no love for you, but because I do. Because you deserve more than what I can give you. I couldn’t keep letting you fall in love with someone who couldn’t love you back as much. You deserve the love you had with Renjun, and I promise you it’s out there. Somewhere in the universe. I will always be your  best friend, but we can’t do this anymore.”_

I step back away from him. The pain is unbearable. Deep down I know he’s right and this is how our story was always meant to play it out. I’ve known for weeks he was pulling away, but I didn’t want to face it. To know someone is going to leave you, just makes you want to hold on tighter to that person. To savour each moment. He was never supposed to be mine in the first place, but I wheedled my way in. Like I did with Jeno. Taking what wasn’t mine to have.

I am a bad person.

Looking down at my hands, I see the tears having been dropping steadily into my palm, creating a little lake of water in the curve of my palm. I do nothing to wipe them away.

Instead focusing on the salty water, a visual reminder of the internal pain I’m feeling, because this isn’t just about Mark leaving me. This is Jeno and I ending because what we had was destroying us both. This is Renjun walking away for good and choosing his family over me. This is Jaemin keeping me at arm’s length but never really giving me the space to get over him. This is Jaehyun not even knowing I existed beyond a sleepy boy in a kitchen one cold morning many years ago.

I feel insignificant in my own life. All the boys I’ve loved in my life have left me, and I feel hollow.

Moments pass, and I watch Mark out of the corner of my eye twisting his hands together when he’s unsure what to do. I know he wants to comfort me, but I also know he doesn’t want to confuse the matter. I’ve told him all my past stories, and he probably hates now being one of them. I realise though this isn’t his fault. He tried to keep me at arm’s length. He never promised me anything he couldn’t give me. Mark was a boy who I loved because he was just himself. I admired that about him.

Maybe it’s time to start a new story for me? A story of loving myself and being enough just me. Maybe that’s the real love story here, but I’ve got a long way to go to get to that place. However Mark’s love for me. Jeno’s, Renjun’s, Jaemin’s and even Jaehyun’s make me believe I can do it. I can find myself.

Mark calls out to me as I rise up from his bed. I brush the tears away from my eyes with my oversized sleeve, and give him one last look, memorising his cute smile and wonky glasses. I hope whoever loves him, can make him as happy I have tried to.

I’m still not someone with many words, so I offer Mark the smallest of smiles and a little nod. He looks upset, but he doesn’t really have any rights now. We are no longer anything to one another.

Then for the nth time in my life I walk away from a boy I love, but this time I leave with the goal of  seeking love from within myself.

Wish me luck, Mark, I whisper silently.  

**Author's Note:**

> Another heartbreak - man I love the angst :) 
> 
> Comments appreciated..... :) but I'm still loving writing this, so will keep writing until the end.... :)


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